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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27979560">Glandcakes with a Side of Memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CEO_Of_Crabity/pseuds/CEO_Of_Crabity'>CEO_Of_Crabity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Owl House (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety Attacks, BI EDA, F/F, I'm calling that one girl in the picture Rue, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Is this angst, LESBIAN LILITH, Post-Episode: s01e19 Young Blood Old Souls, as you can see everyone is gay, gay panic lilith, highly anticipated, lilith has abandonment issues, lilith is the og dumb gay panic lesbian, no beta reader we die like demons, rue is so wholesome i would die for her, sorry it's late, the clawthorne parents can go die in a ditch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:47:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27979560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CEO_Of_Crabity/pseuds/CEO_Of_Crabity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Look I'm bad at summaries so, if you like Eda or Lilith, you're probably going to like this fic. There's gay panic Lilith and supportive bicon Eda.<br/>I'm projecting on Lilith here so, tw// implied/referenced homophobia, panic/anxiety attacks, implied/referenced child abuse</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eda Clawthorne &amp; Lilith Clawthorne, Eda Clawthorne/Original Character(s), Lilith Clawthorne/Original Character(s) (one-sided)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Glandcakes with a Side of Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Look, if you think the girl in the picture is Gwendolyn, go ahead. But there’s an “R” signature on the photo so that’s my reasoning. So that's why I'm calling her Rue. (Rue is in the middle of Lilith and Eda in terms of age. [eg. when Eda was 14, Rue was 15, and Lilith was 16])<br/>This is dedicated to my cool Latin teacher that recognized my Lumity pfp.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a peaceful day in The Owl House. Well, as peaceful as it could get in a household full of wanted criminals. Lilith was making glandcakes, Luz and King were sleeping in, as usual, and Eda was joking around with her sister.</p><p>“Lily, you may shuck, but you shure do make aweshome glandcakesh,” Eda said with her mouth full. She forked another bite of glandcake into her mouth.</p><p>Lilith turned around to look at Eda. “Eda, don’t talk with your mouth full, you’re getting food everywhere.”</p><p>“Well, at leasht I didn’t throw shomeone off a bridge.” She tried to keep her words good-natured, but venom leaked through. </p><p>“I only did that because I knew you’d save her.” The glandcake on the stove was starting to burn.</p><p>“That doesn’t matter. You tried to kill Luz. You held King hostage. You cursed me. You trapped Luz here. I know you apologized and shared the curse with me, but it’s going to take more than that to convince us, or me at least,” Eda mumbled the last part.</p><p>	Eda and Lilith had been constantly arguing since Lilith moved into The Owl House. Usually every argument would end the same way. Eda would pull the curse card and Lilith would shut up. This was not one of those times.</p><p>“We used to be so close when we were younger, how did we drift apart?”</p><p>“Maybe it had to do with the match? You know, the one you cursed me over?” Sarcasm dripped from her comment.</p><p>“But, didn’t you notice? It started happening even before that.”</p><p>	It was about 26 years ago on the outskirts of Hexside; Eda was 12 and Lilith was 14. The air was chillier at the time, due to the upcoming fall weather. The leaves would soon be all kinds of different colors. Hexside students often came to this peace to make a decision or tell people a secret. The quietness of the forest was comforting.</p><p>“HEY LILY!” Eda shouted.</p><p>“YEAH?” Lilith shouted back.</p><p>“COME HERE! I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING!”</p><p>	Lilith walked towards the direction of Eda’s voice. The trees lined a path to a clearing in the forest where her sister was sitting. Lilith saw her younger sister sitting against a tree, slumped over, fiddling with her cowl fastener, and sweating nervously. </p><p>“What is it?” Lilith began to feel worried for her sister. It was very out of character for her to act like this.</p><p>“Uh. Nothing.” She glanced to the side for a quick second.</p><p>“It’s clearly not nothing. Tell me what’s wrong. We have to care for each other, you know?” She sat beside Eda, leaning against her shoulder.</p><p>“I just don’t want you to think bad of me for this. What if you don’t respect me anymore? What if you tell people?” Eda began to spiral.</p><p>“Trust me. I won’t tell a soul. Everlasting oath?” Lilith drew a spell circle. “I promise I won’t tell anyone.”</p><p>“I promise to trust you.” They shook hands. The light blue spell circle faded as they let go.</p><p>Eda took a deep breath. “Lilith,” Eda, not using Lilith’s nickname? Oh, this was serious, “I’m bisexual.”</p><p>“What?” Lilith sat there dumbfounded.</p><p>“Yeah, it means I’m attracted to both men and women, well, and non-binary people. But pansexual and omnisexual aren’t really labels that I fit with.”</p><p>“No, no. I know what it means. I’m just… confused,” Lilith cleared up.</p><p>“I get it, I get it. It’s a lot to take in.” </p><p>“How- how did you know?”</p><p>“Well, I’ve kind of, always liked guys. But then I liked a girl, and then another one… And I didn’t know what it was. I thought I was just ‘friendship liking’?” Eda did air quotes, “But the more I thought about it, and new things that the world taught me, it kind of just, clicked, you know?”</p><p>Lilith nodded subtly, “Yeah, things just click.”</p><p>“But enough about me, did you meet any cute boys? Or girls? Or people? Hey, I’m not judging, I just came out.” Eda quickly became her light-hearted, energetic self.</p><p>“What? You’re just changing the subject? What if Mom and Dad find out? What if you get bullied? What if people judge you? What if-” </p><p>“Hey, Lily, it’s okay. I’ll be alright. You focus on yourself and I’ll take care of myself.”</p><p>They both stood up. Eda patted Lilith hard on the back causing her to stumble. “Whoops, don’t know my own strength!”</p><p>	Back in the present, Eda and Lilith were still reminiscing about their pasts. Luz and King were still asleep, or King was getting interested in Luz’s Azura books again, probably the latter.</p><p>“How did I not notice that sooner?” Lilith facepalmed.</p><p>“I don’t know Lily. You were just kind of, maybe a little, incredibly dense. I mean, come on, I simped over girls and guys constantly. Was I not being obvious enough?”</p><p>“Come on, you know I had a lot going on too.”</p><p>	24 years ago in the Hexside girls’ bathroom, Lilith was giving herself a pep talk.<br/>
Lilith paced around the bathroom floor trying to compose herself.<br/>
“Ugh. Lilith. Get yourself together. You’ve had plenty of female friends before. But, why is this one different? Doesn’t matter. You’re just really close friends. That’s it. Yep, that’s definitely it. You’re just friends. Nothing more.”</p><p>As Lilith was panicking, Eda walked into the room.</p><p>“Whatcha talkin’ about?” Eda asked.</p><p>“Nothing important. What are you doing here?” Lilith dodged the question.</p><p>“This is the school bathroom... So obviously I’m skipping class.”</p><p>“Eda, you’re gonna get in trouble, again.” Lilith pinched the bridge of her nose.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ve got a perfect coverup.” A few seconds passed. Eda snapped her fingers. “Hey, Rue, that’s your cue.”</p><p>A girl in the bard track uniform with round glasses, light skin, and chocolatey brown hair walked through the door. She wore a goofy smile.</p><p>“Oh, haha, sorry. I got a little distracted.” Rue rubbed the back of her neck with her hand.</p><p>“Lily, I think you know Rue.”</p><p>“Of course I do. We’ve been friends since middle school.”</p><p>“It was a rhetorical question.” </p><p>“It wasn’t a question.”</p><p>“Do I get to reveal my master plan now?” Rue disrupted their bickering.</p><p>“Oh, yeah. You have the floor.”</p><p>“Okay, so I’ve been studying illusions in secret, thanks to Gwendolyn’s help. And then I made illusions of me, you and Eda. They’ll attend class and take notes for us. That is all.” She took a bow.</p><p>	Eda and Lilith clapped their hands, but quietly enough so that anyone passing by wouldn’t have any suspicions about them skipping class.</p><p>“That’s my girl!” Eda and Rue hugged.</p><p>Lilith tensed up.</p><p>“So, where do you want to go now?” Rue asked.</p><p>“I vote market, I have to buy some new spellbooks anyway.”</p><p>“Of course you would be the one to buy school supplies while we’re skipping school. I vote market, but the fun side.”</p><p>“If we go to the market, it could fit everyone’s needs. So, market it is.”</p><p>Rue was always great at making compromises. That’s probably why she could handle being friends with Lilith and Eda.</p><p>	The trio had snuck out of Hexside, somehow, and began walking towards the market. The walk there was incredibly quiet, so Rue decided to spark up a conversation.</p><p>“So, how were your guys’ days? Did you do anything interesting?” She asked excitedly.</p><p>“Besides putting hexed graffiti on the lockers? Nah.” Eda was always up to some sort of mischief. </p><p>“How about you Lily?”</p><p>“Well, there was that ‘How the Emperor Came to Rule the Isles’ test-” Lilith was swiftly cut off.</p><p>“Tests are booooring. Let’s talk about anything else.”</p><p>	A blood-curdling scream was heard from near the slayground. </p><p>“Wait- do you hear that?” Rue asked.</p><p>“Yeah. It sounds like-” Eda started.</p><p>“AN ISCREAM CARRIAGE,” the three shouted in unison.</p><p>The group ran to the carriage. Not surprisingly, there wasn’t a line. Eda, Lilith, and Rue reached into their pockets to grab snails to pay for the dessert. But, the sisters had no money to grab, so Rue offered to pay for their iscreams instead.</p><p>“Oh! Eda, Lily, do you want me to buy you iscreams?”</p><p>“Yeah! That’d be great! How’s that with you Lily?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s fine.”</p><p>“Flavors?” the man asked gruffly.</p><p>“Vanilla please!” Rue replied animatedly.</p><p>“DEMON BLOOD!” Eda said as she jumped up and down.</p><p>“Vanilla as well, please.”</p><p>“Well, here ya go.”</p><p>	They sat at a bench near the slayground. Eda was devouring her iscream while Rue and Lilith were much more careful, making sure that no drop of iscream would fall. Unlike Eda and Rue, Lilith wasn’t enjoying her iscream. She never actually liked vanilla, but she wanted to try it out if Rue liked it.</p><p>“Sooooooo, Lily. What were you talking about in the bathroom?” Eda asked. She had somehow already finished her iscream.</p><p>Lilith spat out her iscream and started to cough. “Nothing, nothing at all.” she muttered.</p><p> “Don’t worry Lily. You can tell us anything. You know we’ll support you. And if we<br/>
don’t understand, we’ll try to,” Rue comforted.</p><p>“Don’t really know how to follow up on that, but YEAH! WE SUPPORT AND LOVE YOU!” People were starting to stare at the trio. Lilith began to feel nervous and too open for comfort.</p><p>“I don’t really feel comfortable telling anyone about this.” She hung her head low. “I’m sorry for disappointing you.” </p><p>“Disappoint?” Eda was confused. Lilith wasn’t a disappointment. She just wanted to keep things secret. That’s not an unredeeming quality, that’s just normal for people.</p><p>“Hey, you’re not ready to tell people. And that’s fine. You just have to tell us when you’re good, ready, and confident. Okay?”</p><p>Lilith nodded, but she knew that she probably would never be able to tell anyone, ever.</p><p>“NOW LET’S GO TAKE SOME PICTURES!” Eda shouted.</p><p>	Eda and Lilith were fond of the memory, despite the unfortunate events preceding it.</p><p>“Lily, you could have just told us, we would’ve understood.”</p><p>“It’s not that easy. And at least I did it eventually.”</p><p>The pair thought back to 14 years ago when Rue, Lilith, and Eda were hanging out in the Hexside schoolyard after Eda got out of detention.</p><p>“So, Lily, uhm, Eda and I wanted to tell you something.”</p><p>She looked up from her book, “Mhm.”</p><p>“So, uh... Eda, can you take this one?” It was probably serious if even Rue couldn’t say it.</p><p>“Uh. So.” Eda had no idea what to say, so she just did finger guns.</p><p>“Am I gonna have to decipher something here?”</p><p>The three let out a soft chuckle. A silence followed it.</p><p>“Okay here it goes, Rue and I are dating now.”</p><p>“What?” Her words were laced with jealousy.</p><p>“Yeah, it kind of just happened? It’s kind of a ‘they like me, I like them situation.’”</p><p>“You know, I probably should’ve come out first.”</p><p>“THAT’S WHAT WE WERE FORGETTING!” They said in unison.</p><p>“Alright, cool. Well I gotta go.” Tears began to fill her eyes.</p><p>“LILY WAIT!” Rue grabs her shoulder.</p><p>“She probably needs some space. How about we just wait? She’ll come around.”</p><p>Eda and Rue sat on a bench together. Every few minutes, Eda would get worried, but Rue always was there to comfort her. </p><p>Lilith ran to the bathroom, covering her tear-streaked face with her hood. Several people glanced at her, but she didn’t care. She had one goal, and one goal only. ‘Keep your emotions in until you get to a private place where you can cry.’ Not too hard, right?</p><p>	She ran up the winding stairs of Hexside, the papers loosely stapled to the wall coming loose and falling creating a trail behind her. She dashed down the empty hallway leading to the girls’ bathroom. Luckily, no one was there. She could deal with her emotions in the best way possible. Alone, with no one to tell you to stop crying or else they’ll leave.</p><p>“Why am I even sad? This doesn’t make sense. I’m supposed to be happy. Not only did your sister get a girlfriend, but your best friend got a girlfriend as well. Well, yeah, but your crush is dating your sister. Well, at least she’s not straight. She’s still dating your sister though. You’re not helping me. You are me. I’M DEALING WITH ENOUGH STUFF RIGHT NOW BRAIN! CAN YOU JUST NOT! I have to deal with a lot right now. Care to elaborate? No. Compose yourself. You’re going back outside. Wipe your tears. Show no weakness. You are okay.”</p><p>	Lilith began to get teary-eyed at the memory. Eda comforted her.</p><p>“Lily, you were dealing with so much all at once. I’m sorry that I wasn’t by your side to help you,” she sniffled and pulled Lilith into a tight bear hug. “Lily, I’m sorry, for never understanding you, and for not seeing how unhappy you were.”</p><p>“Why are you apologizing? I ran away from my problems instead of telling you guys. I had never once considered that you would accept me.”</p><p>	After what felt like a few minutes, but was actually a few seconds, they broke away from the hug.</p><p>“I just wish I could see Rue again. You know, make it up to her. I was so rude in running away like that.”</p><p>“Me too... Well, not everything. I just want to see her again. But after you graduated, she just vanished. No one really knows where she is or what happened after that graduation ceremony.”</p><p>	Eda was saying something about Rue. But, Lilith wasn’t really listening. She was too busy thinking about memories of her childhood. One in particular, though, stuck out from the rest. A bittersweet memory, it happened when she was 17. The same forest where Eda came out, but 3 years later.</p><p>	Eda and Lilith were sitting down on tree stumps on opposite sides of each other. The older sister was dragged there by her sister. Eda worried for her, she had looked quite anxious lately, and she’d die before she let her big sister down. </p><p>“Something’s been bothering you Lily. Is it a bully? Can I beat them up?”</p><p>“No, no. It’s not that.”</p><p>“Well, what is it?”</p><p>Lilith took a breath. A cold wind blew through the trees, making Eda shiver. </p><p>“Edalyn,” she hesitated, “I- I like girls. I think I’m a lesbian.”</p><p>	Silence. Nothing could be heard but the cool breeze rustling the leaves and needles of the trees. Eda didn’t gasp, didn’t move. She just stared at her. </p><p>“PLEASE DON’T TELL MOM AND DAD!” tears began to stream down Lilith’s pale cheeks.</p><p>“Why should I tell them? You kept my secret for 3 years. And I trust you to keep it for much longer. Well, at least until we move out. Anyway, I promise not to tell anyone. You know, we can do an everlasting oath if you want.” She extended her hand to draw a spell circle. </p><p>“No no, I trust you enough to keep this secret. And- there’s something else.”<br/>
Eda nodded.</p><p>“You know what, maybe it’s not really the best time to tell you this. I mean, two bombshell secrets? No way you can handle this.”</p><p>There it was again, Lilith’s lack of confidence. She could never have the confidence that Eda had, that was true, but she’d give anything to be as confident as anyone else. </p><p>“If I were you, I’d say it now.”</p><p>“Alright... I maybe, possibly have a crush on Rue.”</p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>“I mean. It’s weird right? Why am I telling you this? You’re dating her. Why am I still talking? You obviously hate me now. You’re just gonna leave. Just like everyone else.” </p><p>She began to sob in her spiral. Her hands ran through her hair, tugging some strands out. Everything became a blur. The seconds felt like hours. She started to hyperventilate. Her heart beat rapidly. </p><p>Eda’s gonna leave me. It’s not like she cares anyway. I’m just another person that’s going to be left behind. No one cares about me. Not Mom, not Dad, not Rue, not- not Eda. I can already see her, turning her back on me. Right when I need her. But, it’s not like I didn’t deserve it. I cursed her. It’s my fault. Not hers. Who would want me? </p><p>Eda saw this happening and knew what to do. She had to help her sister through a lot, anxiety attacks included. Lilith would often get these before tests or when she was late for school. But, she was never faced with it alone because she had her younger sister. The one that cared about her, the one that knew Lilith, the real Lilith.</p><p>“Lily, listen,” She turned to Eda, “I want you to name me 5 things you see.”</p><p>She looked around. “I don’t see much.”</p><p>“That’s because there’s tears in the way.” She took off her sister’s glasses and wiped her tears with her sleeve. “That’s better, right?” Eda placed the frames back on Lilith’s face.</p><p>Lilith nodded. “I- I see some trees.” Her voice was still weak, “And there’s some grass. And then there’s-” She looked around again, “Hexside. There’s some clouds in the sky. And, you.”</p><p>Eda began to ask her what she felt, heard, smelled, and tasted. Lilith calmed down little by little. Silence filled with thought followed.</p><p>Eda wanted to ask her sister about Rue, but she knew it might result in another panic attack, so she kept the questions to herself. Her crush was always pretty obvious. Lilith kept her feelings secret, but there was no way to control your emotions. </p><p>Lilith was thinking about all her memories with Eda. She was always there. But, what if all of that was fake? Eventually she’s gonna leave and never talk to her again. She should’ve left when she found out about her crush on Rue. But, Eda never left. She was always there on Lilith’s highs and lows. What would it benefit her to leave?</p><p>“Hey Eda?” Lilith broke the silence.</p><p>Eda looked up, “Yeah?”</p><p>“Will we ever drift apart?”</p><p>“Of course not. We’ll be by each other’s sides through everything.”</p><p>“No matter what?”</p><p>“No matter what.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don't mind me, just projecting on Lilith here.<br/>The panic attack might not be the best description. I've taken it from my own experience, so it's somewhat competent.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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